Unfair bride?

I'm a freshman in college and my best friend is getting married in September. She asked me to be her bridesmaid and I was very excited because I love weddings.

The time to get the dresses came and she sent the other bridesmaids and I the price for the dresses. The price for me is not that bad, but it's $150. I wish this were the only problem with her wedding planning, but obviously there is more.

She has informed us that we will not be included in the pictures she will take with her husband and that we will have to find our own way of transportation to church because we are not going with her in the limo. Is is fair for us to not be in the pictures? I mean, how will we have proof of even participating in the wedding?

I have spoken to the other bridesmaids and they do not think it is reasonable to not be included in the pictures or transportation. All of us are freshman in college and one is still in high school and we don't have the funds to pull off all of her genius ideas. So is there anyway that we can let her know in what position she is putting us in? Do you think this is fair?

Stressed by Bride

Dear Stressed,

You are one of the unlucky freshmen who get to take Intro to Weddings 101 about four years early. I do not envy you; the tests are taken in a minefield.

Because your friend is so young, I'm willing to bet that someone's parents are orchestrating this whole event, right down to the corsages. I doubt she is making many of these choices alone, especially since she probably isn't old enough to finance this wedding.

But in case she is in control here, well...she should know better. $150 isn't pricey for a matching bridesmaid dress for working adults, but she should have realized that none of you are making enough to justify that one-time purchase.

As for transportation, typically the bridal party does not ride with the bride and groom. You're all old enough to have your licenses; arrange to carpool. Your qualms about the pictures continue to make me think the bride isn't the main decision maker here. Pictures often include the bridal party and family, but don't have to. Maybe it's too expensive. That's okay. If you want pictorial evidence that you were there, take the pictures yourself.

Since there are cost concerns, I don't think it would be inappropriate for those guests with small wallets to speak with her privately and tell her they can't afford $150 for a dress. Hopefully they all can come up with a compromise.

Aunt Amy