Sunday, June 17, 2007

When hormones attack

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are both 22 and have talked about getting married in two years. Because we are Christian we gave up sex until we are married. I am doing my best to resist, but the hormones are running rampant and my libido is alive and well.

Recently she has gotten cold feet about marriage. She wants to marry me, but doesn't know when. We're not virgins due to past mistakes and right now I don't know if I can hold out longer than two years.

I think sex is a good thing and I want to obey God and love her. I am stuck. What is the Christian thing to do?

Want it back

Dear Want,

I can't tell you what the Christian thing to do is in this situation. I don't think God can play a role in your sex life at this point.

Let's look at that facts. Both of you have had sex before. While you call it a mistake, it's clearly a mistake you want to make repeatedly with your current girlfriend in every position possible. I don't quite understand why you'd search for a second virginity at such a young age. Such decisions are usually made by older people.

Thing is, you're both 22. You haven't completely grown as people, and getting married now is statistically more likely to end in divorce than if you waited 5 more years. You may never get married anyway, because your girlfriend sounds like she is not ready. This fact is probably not good for your relationship, especially if you're waiting on sex.

It comes down to this: If you want to have sex, have sex. You are doing yourself no favors not having sex when you've had it and clearly enjoyed it. I do not want to imagine a God who would punish you every time you have sex before marriage, because most of us would be doomed. If you're following your religion's logic, you've already broken that rule. As long as you're not being unChristian in your other actions, I think you're going to be fine.

Aunt Amy


Kelly said...

Ok, as someone who slept with her uber-Christian boyfriend and regrets it, I'm gonna share an uninvited opinion on this one.

He really should be talking to someone in his church. If his issue lies between him, god, and his girlfriend, he's not going to find the answers he's looking for outside of those three things.

Sure, he can say "god won't mind" and go forward with it. And if he actually believes that, he'll be fine. But if he doesn't, it could be excruciatingly upsetting for both parties.

It really comes down to what he believes, not anyone else. And talking to people in his church can help him find that, but even then it's a question he needs to answer for himself. If he thinks its a sin, he shouldn't do it.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I wonder if you would advise someone who's converted to Judaism but still has a hankering for cheeseburgers with bacon to "just go ahead - I'm sure God (who I don't think is real anyway) won't mind".

Your writer was dealing with a moral issue. BTW, you didn't actually tell him to break up with his girlfriend, so I assume you're also advising him to cheat on her while he's out getting laid?

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