Hard-partying beau

My boyfriend of four years is way too much of a party animal. I knew this all along, but when he had a stroke two days after a real hard binge, I snapped to my senses and realized this is just way too out of hand. He is two different people.

He loves to drink hard, which causes him to do drugs occasionally. I used to party right along with him. He drinks until he has no brain left. I, on the other hand, am interested in health and natural healing. It has gotten so that I do not go out with him. He waits until I go out with my girlfriends, then he goes off.

I so miss going out and having fun with him, but it is not fun anymore because he has gotten us thrown out of places. When we get home, he gets verbally abusive. When I talk to him about it the next day, he is "oh so sorry," and just says it was because he was drunk and stupid. He doesn't want to stop, because it has been his way for his whole life.

I have gotten mad and asked him to leave, but then I calm down and get all kinds of sad to think of him not living with me anymore. He is not much of a companion because he spends most of his time in front of the computer or the TV, which is why I am finding myself out with the girls, just to relax and get some companionship.

I need to be strong and keep my resolve. We are both 50 and way too old for this behaviour. I can't believe I am even writing this, but even as I speak, I am tearing up. Please help me.

Level-Headed Girlfriend

Dear Level-Headed,

I'm having a lot of problems discerning your boyfriend's other personality. He seems to be stuck on the hard-partying, angry side and not on the side you must have seen in him when you first met.

While I don't have all of the details, I think your boyfriend has a serious problem, and I completely understand why you want him to walk away. The man had a stroke from the drink.

I think you need to make a tough decision. If this relationship has only gone south recently, it might be worth giving counseling a try. For this to work, he would probably need to attend Alcoholics Anonymous or some variant thereof and actually give up drinking. If getting help isn't something he's willing to do, I hope you'll rely on those terrific girlfriends of yours to help you get out of this relationship.

When it comes to addiction, it is impossible for one person, especially a lover, to help their loved one break the habit. Remember this as you go forward.

Aunt Amy